Wow…Where to start?

I went into this trip trying my best to keep expectations or ideas of what it would be like suppressed, but I was so full of adrenaline and excitement it was hard to not to be thrilled with overwhelming thoughts. I kept telling people that I felt this rip current in my heart, and I could sense this huge “tsunami” of love and emotion coming for these girls…a great feeling of expectancy, yet this trip had much more in store than emotional surface matter.
We arrived at the shelter with a cute little sign with a picture of a cartoon girl and a boy holding a cross that conjoined them. We honked so the gatekeeper would come and open the barbed-wired 10 ft gate and entered the yard. My first impression of arriving was so much excitement and full of anticipation… oh wow!!! I’m here I’m here!! ok ok ok I saw a couple of the girls hanging outside on the front porch and I immediately felt connected and so joyful towards them, I had just seen my first real-life trafficking heroes….wow! We walked in and were greeted by laughter and hugs and bright smiles, I will never forget their faces. We gathered in a circle and were all beaming at each other, one girl was hugging Dora Maria so tight and started crying on her shoulder, a couple of the other girls began weeping too, they started to share how thankful and blessed they felt that we came and that we continue to support the shelter.
As much as I expected to feel overwhelmed, they were even more emotional with a gratitude that I have never witnessed before…it was very contagious. We continued on with small talk (as much as we could with the language barrier) and asking everybody’s names, it was difficult for me to remember because they were all in Spanish and not familiar to my speaking habits but by the end of the day it wasn’t very hard to put a face with a name along with my heart.
We mostly talked and asked questions about school and then played together…things like tossing the pillow back in forth or tag, for me that was a highlight because I could see them laughing even more so, truly enjoying life and each other.
That was where I felt most in my element: to usher in the lighthearted joy and glowing heart to give them the childhood they never had, to have simple fun while really communicating a deep love in connecting with these daughters of the King.
Overall, day 1 was such a rush but I could sense something happening deep in me, I couldn’t put a finger on it but it wasn’t like anything I expected or have experienced. There was a shift taking place that I would continue to unpack and discover.

The second day we were shown around the city a bit more and went school supply shopping for them, and also began to set up cameras to do some interviews with the girls.
I started to notice some things throughout the day that began to contrast with the first day. When we first met them, there was a constant rush of energetic enthusiasm between us and the girls so there wasn’t much of a chance to really see the pain and the daily trials that these girls face. Yet as the second day went on I began to pick up and better understand the honest struggle that they deal with. A few of the girls would randomly start crying out of fear or hurt, and I began to see stares with expressions of horror where they would be remembering flashbacks…the looks in their eyes said it all. The more that I witnessed this, the more I began to feel a motherly instinct growing towards these girls. I began to emotionally adopt them and literally looked to them like they were my daughters; THAT is something I have never felt before. All I wanted to do was hold them, and all they wanted to do was bury themselves in me and cry or laugh with a heart that felt at home inside…I remember one of the girls saying that all she wanted was a mother that loved her and wanted to be with her, and that was all I wanted to be to these girls. A deep, protecting love began to take root in me and I couldn’t stop it even if I tried. I began to realize how much of my previous life I was forgetting…suddenly it was like all of my trivial issues or life in the states began to disappear and all that mattered was being with these girls, hugging on them and learning from them. I forgot about my job, my house, my car, my friends and family, my fears and shortcomings, my complaints and imperfections…all that was left was a love that kept sinking deep within me to nurture and enjoy these beautiful young women. The weight of the purpose I felt in being with them and the profound fulfillment that began to infiltrate my heart was unspeakable, and still is.
God revealed to me that this “tsunami” I was expecting was just surface matter, he was really moving continents in my heart… (the nerd in me refers to them as heart-plate tectonics).
There was a gentle yet heavy placement of my sponge-like heart being dropped into a bottomless ocean of abundant life and destiny, and I was soaking up every last drop.
I expected to fall in love with these girls, as I am one to become easily infatuated and enthusiastic, yet God PLACED me in love, I was totally powerless to fight the strong and deep current he was pulling me into…what a beautiful feeling.

Colette and I were also able to witness another amazing work in God’s limitless heart of freedom. We went into this trip expecting to see the power of freedom God had placed for the girls, yet as we soon found out God did not want to stop there. Jaimi was the husband of Vida, the house caretaker. He was scheduled to have cataract surgery the next morning so Vida asked us to pray for him. Colette laid hands on him and began to pray. After we finished praying Jaimi gave Colette a look like “what did you do to me?” …;) The next morning Jaimi and Vida came rushing in to tell us that the surgeon sent him home, there was nothing to do surgery on because the cataract was totally gone- no trace of it!!!!! What makes this miracle even more amazing is that Jaimi was not a believer and God HEALED him! The Lord is definitely after him

The third day was incredibly packed where we did 6 interviews with the staff and some of the girls. It was so moving to hear them share there stories and what the shelter means to them. There were nine girls, each of them with there different histories, yet all including some form of abuse and neglect. I will attempt to sum up there stories so you all can get an idea of the ages and amount of trauma they have been through:(names changed for protection) Lea is 15 and was raped by her father multiple times and then introduced to a trafficker by her cousin where she was prostituted for 3 years. Emily is 20 years old and has down syndrome (her mental capacity is about like a 6 year old). She was sold by her mother and sister where her disability was taken advantage of…she was constantly told to “be a good girl” and please the men she was with. Karoline is 14 and was involved in a child pornography ring where her job was to lure in and recruit other children. Alandra and Kemena are sisters ages 18 and 16 in which they were both raped by their father… Alandra had a baby by him who has epilepsy and now stays in an orphanage about a mile from the shelter where she gets to visit every Thursday. Ramira (8) and Mara (11) were the results of their mothers being raped and stay at the shelter because they are at very high risk for trafficking . Nina (14) was the youngest sister of Alandra and Kemena and was at very high risk of being raped by her father so they took her in to the shelter as well, she was told by her mother that she wasn’t wanted which is another reason she stays at the shelter with her sisters. Damita who is 15 was trafficked across the border into Costa Rica by a man she thought was her “boyfriend”, she was rescued before she was sold yet we believe she is struggling with deep denial of what really happened to her.
As horrific and tragic each of their stories are, there is a beautiful hope that radiates among them. They each have grown so much since they have been at the shelter and there really aren’t any words to describe the power of redemption that God as placed in the atmosphere among them. It is such a tangible and amazing way to experience the power of God yet incredibly simple in its love.
Being immersed in this presence began to stir in me and convict me of areas in my life that were not allowing this great love to permeate.
God began to peel back layers of selfishness within me, a false humility that has infected my heart to delay any love for myself. He reminded me of the greatest commandment, to love God and love others as yourself….
If putting a wall up against loving myself had a direct correlation to the capacity in which I would love these girls then I decided it was time to do some Extreme-Home-Makeover-type demolition.
I made the decision that the walls and any victim mindset I had about myself were to be torn down immediately, because I now had a greater reason behind myself…a greater love that was needed to give, and a greater purpose in my heart that went beyond any self-absorbed perspectives.

I tapped into an atmosphere of perfect love where the years of my life being spent in fear were no longer a part of me. I only felt a radiating warmth pulsating from the heart of God where there was absolutely no room for fear. PRAISE GOD.

After experiencing such a different and refreshing atmosphere, it has been so difficult to be back in America, as I expected it would. My heart feels a depth, a low place deep in my core where my identity has shifted. Where a sacred and special seed has been planted and every time I participate in the trivial things of this culture I feel like it is being chipped away. My heart grieves at the whiplash I feel coming back to this country after such a life changing trip. Yet my prayer now is that God would guard my heart, that he would put a protective gate around this seed, just as the shelter had a protective gate to keep the girls safe.
I know that I will be returning, I know that I will see their glowing faces again. It wasn’t even very hard to say goodbye to them because I am so confident I will be back again soon. I found a piece of my heart that had been missing for so many years, an identity in the Kingdom that had been waiting for me. It will always be there, so I will continue to respond and follow the call.
I sense that the next time I return it will be for a longer period. I keep thinking if 3 days in Nicaragua could be so impacting and life changing , imagine what 3 months or 3 years could do….

I can’t wait to find out

After experiencing such a rare and amazing opportunity, I feel so blessed that I can come back to America and continue the cause and purpose I feel in being with Free For Life. Now as I sit here at a desk doing something that may seem so insignificant like stuffing envelopes, I know that I am truly sowing into the freedom and restoration for the girls I just got to spend time with. It gives me a whole new perspective of why we do what we do in pushing for their freedom. I now have faces forever etched in the back of mind reminding me of the need and the love that they long for. There is a whole new pace that my heart beats to fight for these girls whether it be through marketing the headbands that they made or making copies of flyers. The things that seem so trivial or ordinary are now the very things that make the difference for them.
After coming back from this trip the question lingers in my mind is how to make this issue matter to others? I realize that not everyone can go down to Nicaragua and meet these incredibly special girls and see the conditions that they live in. Not everyone can hold them and feel the atmosphere of redemption that God has placed so thick in the air. So the only thing I am given to relay this message to you is my heart pouring out to help you to understand how much this trip has changed me. To let you know that you don’t have to go there for this be contagious to you, because God is limitless and his purpose can be made known in any place.
It was really hard for me to grasp the weight of this cause until I went to Nicaragua, yet now I realize that all it took was for me to see these girls as if they were my own daughters. Praying for them like they were my own flesh and blood, and raising support for their beautiful spirits to be given a chance to live again. After all, we have the same loving Father that wants to provide and protect us like we are His own.
God has blessed me with the rare treasure that infills you when you are given the opportunity to serve. Free For Life has been amazing in providing countless ways to sow into this immense need for rescue and restoration of victims caught in human trafficking. I walk away from the office feeling a wholeness and joy that I did not have before. There really is an invaluable impartation that God gives to those who are willing to jump in and fight for those who don’t have a voice.
I encourage all of you to not hesitate, the fall into this intense heartbeat that God has for his daughters entrapped in slavery. There is a greater gift waiting for you and revelations unmatched to anything I have ever known. It is a love that is greater than, higher than, and ultimately victorious over the Evil One. God is calling YOU to rise up and be a warrior for these children, to be the change that they so desperately long for. It doesn’t have to be an extraordinary measure, only a willing heart that has caught the vision and is ready to fight…Will you join me?

Amy